A Geek’s Reaction To xXx: The Return of Xander Cage Trailer

vin-diesel-s-xxx-the-return-of-xander-cage-gets-a-release-date-860113By Danny F. Santos (doddleNEWS)

It’s been fourteen years since Vin Diesel played Xander Cage in Rob Cohen’s xXx (2002), and now, he’s finally back with xXx: The Return of Xander Cage after being replaced by Ice Cube’s Darius Stone in the sequel (2005). Sure Cage was mentioned to be dead in xXx: State of the Union, and sure, they even produced a short film, The Final Chapter: The Death of Xander Cage, but death can’t keep an exxxtreme superspy down.

Along with Diesel, his handler, played by Samuel L. Jackson, also makes a return, and practically narrates the trailer, which you can watch below:

There’s a soft spot in my heart for big, dumb action films. I love a well shot, well choreographed set piece, even if the plot of the film is silly and the actors are just passable. That may be why I love Vin Diesel’s Fast and Furious films, despite realizing that they’re far cries from works of art.

At this point I should mention that I have never watched the original xXx or the sequel xXx: State of the Union, and I’ve never really felt any need to [Editor’s note: xXx is one of the worst movies I’ve seen, and opened summer 2002 before another awful film, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever). Both films have a pretty rotten rating at Rotten Tomatoes, which also doesn’t convince me to go back and rewatch it. So does this trailer change my mind?

No. No it most certainly does not.

Screen Shot 2016-07-20 at 8.21.13 PM
Seriously… what the hell.

Was that Vin Diesel driving across the water on a motorcycle? Holy crap, it was. Alright, alright, let’s just say he can skip the tires across the wat… oh dear God, he just used a wave as a ramp.

Ok, I know that these kinds of films require a certain amount of suspension of disbelief, but at some point it can become so ridiculous, it collapses into self parody. At that point the main character, in this case Xander Cage, doesn’t look cool, he looks laughably absurd.

The worst part is that I know some people are going to watch this trailer, and scream “Hell yeah!” and, you know what, good for them. As of this writing, the trailer has 2.4 million views with 2,594 likes and 264 dislikes. Obviously there’s an audience for this film, which most definitely does not include me.

Really, there’s only three reasons that make me want to watch this film, and they are the aforementioned Samuel L. Jackson, along with Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa. Jackson always knows when he’s in a ridiculous movie, and never fails to deliver an entertaining performance, while Yen and Jaa can always add a solid amount of fun action.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage will premiere in theaters on January 20, 2017; it should be noted January is often the dumping ground of bad movies. Here’s the plot synopsis:

The third explosive chapter of the blockbuster franchise that redefined the spy thriller finds extreme athlete turned government operative Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) coming out of self-imposed exile and on a collision course with deadly alpha warrior Xiang and his team in a race to recover a sinister and seemingly unstoppable weapon known as Pandora’s Box. Recruiting an all-new group of thrill-seeking cohorts, Xander finds himself enmeshed in a deadly conspiracy that points to collusion at the highest levels of world governments. Packed with the series’ signature deadpan wit and bad-ass attitude, “xXx: THE RETURN OF XANDER CAGE” will raise the bar on extreme action with some of the most mind-blowing stunts to ever be caught on film.

About doddle 16509 Articles
Doddlenews is the news division of the Digital Production Buzz, a leading online resource for filmmakers, covering news, reviews and tutorials for the video and film industry, along with movie and TV news, and podcasting.

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